Stop Telling Me To “Toughen Up”

I was recently told that I needed to “toughen up” which is all fine and dandy but that’s just not who I am. I am sensitive, empathetic, and emotional. I care deeply and I want to put my best foot forward each and everyday. I will never be tough and that’s okay.

Instead of trying to cram myself into a box with other people’s expectations I’ve decided to spend some more time exploring who I am as a person. I’ve been feeling really down and unmotivated lately so I want to find something that makes me feel alive again.

My whole life I have felt like something was wrong with me because I’m sensitive. This is who I am and I can’t change it. I’ve tried to toughen up for years by taking anti-depressants and seeing therapists but I can’t change my personality.

I used to wish that I could turn all of my feelings off. I wanted to have no emotions at all. I want to stop feeling this way. I want to just be okay with who I am.

This world will always be too harsh for me but I’m willing to continue to fight for my place in it.

Have you ever been told to “toughen up”?

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

2020: Fourth Quarter Goals

At the beginning of 2020 I was super motivated to make some lifestyle changes. I wanted to use this year to prepare myself for the next chapter of my life which might include motherhood. COVID forced me to slow down and spend some much needed time working on my mental health and my relationship with my husband. This year might not have gone according to plan but it wasn’t a complete waste of time.

To finish the year strong, here are my 4th quarter goals:

  1. Be intentional about spending time with family. We’ve had to be creative in order to spend time with family and friends this year due to social distancing. I’ve still been able to spend quality time with the people that I love and I don’t want that to change because of the colder weather.
  2. Create a new holiday tradition with Brett. We love the Christmas season but this year many of our normal traditions most likely won’t be happening so we will have to create a new tradition together.
  3. Schedule my remaining annual and semi-annual health appointments. Dentist, PCP, and Neurologist. It’s going to be a busy 3 months with all these appointments but I will be glad to have them checked off my list for awhile.
  4. Save 50% of my holiday bonus for 2021 house projects. My company is super generous and always has a year-end bonus for employees. If we have one this year I want to save at least 50% of it for future house projects!
  5. Stick to my current health/wellness routine. This includes past quarterly goals of spending time outside, meal planning/prepping, and monitoring my water intake.

We are almost done with this crazy, unpredicatable year. Who knows what 2021 will be like but let’s finish this year strong!

Do you have any goals you want to complete before the end of the year?

Photo by Maddy Baker on Unsplash

2020: Third Quarter Goals Recap

I honestly don’t even know what to say about these goals. I still love writing them because it’s great motivation to not sit on the coach and watch Law & Order SVU every night (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Setting goals just doesn’t feel the same in 2020 for some reason.

Here’s a quick recap of my third quarter goals:

  1. Monthly date night. Yes! Brett and I are making alone time a priority even as things have started to open back up and he’s switched schedules at work (again). I hope monthly date night is something we continue forever.
  2. Spend at least 30 minutes outside per day. I haven’t been great at this. I still enjoy walking the dog and sitting on our back deck but I haven’t made it as much of a priority the past month or so.
  3. Start meal planning again. I have gotten much better at meal planning! I’m mostly using Pinterest to find new recipes. The biggest reason why I’m able to meal plan easily now is because I’m home most days and I love easy crockpot recipes.
  4. Find a new outlet for my anxiety. This didn’t really happen. I’m feeling good most days and am trying to cope the best I can. I’ll continue working on trying to find an outlet to help.
  5. Write down some professional goals. I still have no idea what I’m doing or what I want to do when it comes to my career. I’m trying not to stress about it and am just going with the flow. Our team is working through some major transitions right now and I’m just trying to be as supportive to my teammates as possible.

I’ve already written my final 2020 goals and am ready to take action. This year hasn’t gone the way I originally thought it would but I’m determined to not waste a minute.

Do you have any goals for the rest of 2020?

Photo by Justin Luebke on Unsplash

Loving Where You Are

I’m the type of person who is always planning ahead. I see the whole staircase, not just the next step and sometimes that’s a problem. I’m so busy looking forward to the future that I forget to enjoy the moment I’m in right now.

It’s good to be able to live in the moment and be able to love where you are right now. We all have goals but goals take time and we can’t be so focused on them that we don’t enjoy our current situations.

I’m trying my hardest to love where I am right now. To love all of the uncertainty and questions. To wonder if I’m making the right decisions in the short-term to meet my goals in the long-term.

2020 has been eye-opening in terms of forcing me to slow down and appreciate where I am in life. I’ll always look forward to what’s ahead in life but I also know that I need to stop and enjoy my current situation.

Do you mind yourself living in the moment or looking ahead to the future?

August 2020 According to my iPhone

I always look forward to August. It feels like the perfect summer month. This August was pretty perfect. I’m trying really hard to set boundaries and enjoy life outside of work. This month I was able to take 3 days off to celebrate my anniversary with Brett with a little Michigan roadtrip. It was so nice!

How was your month? Do you have any fun plans for September?

Change Is Uncomfortable

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I’ve never been good with change. I get comfortable and then I want things to stay comfortable forever. I’ve learned that I grow the most in these periods of changes, in the uncomfortable moments when I’m forced to learn.

2020 has probably been uncomfortable for the vast majority of people. We’ve had to change where and how we are working and learning. We have had to adapt to the uncertainties that this pandemic has thrown at us. We have had to work together to stop the spread of a virus that we were learning more about every day.

To say that 2020 has just been “uncomfortable” would be an understatement.

All of these changes this year has given me whiplash. I’m tired, burnt-out, and wanting to quit most days. I’m sure many of you are in the same boat and it’s easy to forget that we are all feeling a level of anxiety that is probably higher than we are used to.

I don’t think that anyone can say for sure when this will be over. I’ve heard so many mixed messages from different sources and I’ve honestly just stopped listening to most of them.

If you are feeling uncomfortable, anxious, or burnt-out know that you aren’t alone. One day we will look back at this and be able to see how much change occurred in 2020.

How are you doing? Honestly.

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Photo by Priscilla Gyamfi on Unsplash

Our 3rd Wedding Anniversary

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August 19, 2011 was the day that Brett and I went on our very first date. We went mini golfing and then sat in my car and talked for hours. The rest of the summer we were inseparable. Brett was 19 and I was 17.

On May 30, 2015 Brett proposed in London, England on the very last day of my study abroad adventure.

August 19, 2017 was a day that I will always remember. We planned our wedding for over two years and it was finally time to marry my best friend. We had both graduated from college, gotten jobs, and moved into an apartment. It was time to start the next chapter of our lives together.

In my wedding vows I said that Brett “came into my life at a time when I really needed a friend” and that’s the honest truth. I was so lost when I met Brett and he helped me find myself again. Obviously, I didn’t need a boyfriend to figure out who I was but it was nice to have someone to help encourage me.

Over our three years of marriage and nine total years together we have had so many adventures. We’ve visited seven countries and taken countless road-trips. We have adopted a dog and bought a house. We’ve lived together, apart, and long-distance. It hasn’t been easy but it’s been completely worth it.

Happy Anniversary, Bretten! Here’s to many, many more to come!

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Five Facts Friday

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Happy Friday!

How was your week? Mine was okay. I was feeling really burnt-out during the first half of the week but I had a couple of good conversations with co-workers and I’m feeling better. I think my main problem was that I didn’t sleep very well Monday-Wednesday so I was running on less sleep than I’m used to.

I had the inspiration to share five facts about myself today.

  1. I am terrified of driving. If I won the lottery the first thing I would do would be to hire a driver.
  2. When I was growing up my mom wanted us to be able to form our own opinions so she never really preached her beliefs at us. I don’t even really think I knew her political preferences until I was in high school and I started asking questions. I am really grateful that I was able to form my own opinions! Also, this is the first year that my dad has ever been really involved in our political conversations. He has formed his own opinions and is encouraging everyone to get out and vote!
  3. When I have bad anxiety the only thing that calms me down is getting outside. This is a more recent thing that I’ve discovered about myself since working from home. When I start to feel anxious I grab Oscar and we take a quick walk around the block to clear my head. It works every time!
  4. I love going to the dentist! I had really bad teeth growing up so once my braces finally came off I started to appreciate all of the time and money my parents spent trying to fix my smile. Now I like going to the dentist because I overcame most of my dental obstacles!
  5. When I was in high school I decided that I wanted a dachshund named Oscar when I grew up. Now I have a little dachshund mix named Oscar and he’s the best little pup!

Do you have any plans for this weekend?

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July 2020 According to my iPhone

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Another month flew by! July was a pretty great month, all things considered. We spent the 4th at my grandparent’s lake house, flew to New Hampshire, road-tripped from New Hampshire to Michigan with my sister, celebrated our Niece’s first birthdays, and I finally completed my class.

All in all, not a bad month!

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How was your month?

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Five on Friday #23

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We made it to Friday! I am so excited that this week is almost over. How was your week?

As always, here are five random things for Friday:

  1. Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore came out last Friday and it’s SO good! She is incredibly talented and I’m in awe of her once again. She created this surprise album during quarantine and it’s amazing! I highly recommend listening to is ASAP. Do you like Taylor Swift? How do you feel about Folklore?
  2. Today is the last day of my class! It’s been a long week and I will be super happy when this is behind me. This is a three year program so I still have two more years of class ahead of me. If you didn’t know, I’m working towards a finance certification.
  3. Now that my class is over I am really looking forward to August! On August 19th Brett and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary and our ninth anniversary together. We are hoping to do a mini Michigan roadtrip to celebrate! We were actually planning a Europe trip this year but obviously that won’t be happening.
  4. I’ve wanted Air Pods for awhile but I’ve never been able to justify the price so they have just been sitting on my wishlist. The class that I’m taking sent a care package to all of the students since it had to be moved to virtual instead of in-person. The care package had a set of wireless earbuds in it and I’m obsessed with them! Do you have Air Pods? Should I invest in a pair?
  5. The Fall 2020 FabFitFun box spoilers have been released and I’m not that impressed. I have to decide if I want to re-new my membership after this box and I really do think that it’s a great value. Even though I’m not super impressed with the contents of the Fall box I’m pretty sure I will be renewing my membership as an early birthday gift to myself. I love having something to open every quarter! Do you subscribe to  FabFitFun?

Tomorrow I am taking the exam for my class. The exam shouldn’t be terrible since I’m only in my first year so I’m only being tested on the material from this class. Year three is when I’ll sit for the certification exam which will test on all three years worth of material. Wish me luck!

Do you have any plans for this weekend?

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