I’m a people pleaser and that’s not always a good thing. I hate disappointing people and nothing brings me more joy than helping someone in need. This people pleasing quality gets me in trouble a lot of the time because I make other people happy but don’t have time to chase my own happiness.
I’ve been struggling lately with this because sometimes people take advantage of how caring I am. I get myself in situations where I’m so busy taking care of other people that I don’t take care of myself. I end up exhausted, crying, and swearing that I’ll make a change and start saying “no”.
This weekend we had a family member ask me to do something for her and her family that went way too far. I want to help them but helping them would hurt my mental health in a way that would take too long to recover from. I don’t want to go into details but I had to have a serious conversation with Brett and luckily we both agreed that I had to say no.
Saying no is hard, especially when you love the person and want to help them. But sometimes you have to say no in order to protect yourself from damage. It feels selfish and wrong but it’s needed. I hate disappointing people and I know that this decision will hurt my relationship with the person. But this time I have to put myself first. I have to save myself from something that will damage me.
Taking care of yourself is more than just “self-care Sunday”. Taking care of yourself means protecting your mental health, your energy, and your well-being. It means learning to say “no” to things that will hurt you. Put yourself first, you’re worth it!
Do you have a hard time saying no to people? Any advice on getting over being a people pleaser?
Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash
Life of Hayley 
If a friend asks me to do something I really don’t want to do, then I nicely tell them that “I can’t do that because it might not work out the way it should and this would put a strain on our friendship, which I value. I won’t do anything to hurt that.” Most friends will respect that and stop asking. Its harder to pull off on close family, but the idea is to let the other person know how doing something might affect you.
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I like how you put it into words. It’s fair and respectful.
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Been there.. 😔
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Thanks, Darnell! I agree. That’s a great way to put it! I do value my relationship with this person so much and family is everything. I don’t want to hurt our relationship at all. I think I’ll take a leaf out of your book and try that approach. 🙂
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I have a hard time saying no. In the past I was very harsh and abuse the word No. Fast forward to now, I struggle with saying No. I’m trying to find a balance. Especially at my job, where my boss always rely on me for everything. I’m going to walk into the school year with resilience to say No in a professional and respectful manner
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You can do it!! There’s a happy medium between being helpful and being afraid to say no. It’s all about finding the balance that works for you! Work is especially hard to find that balance but it is possible. I believe in you, my friend! 🙂
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I have a hard time saying no.
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It’s so hard to say no! I think most people struggle with it, especially saying no to friends and family. 😬
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I completely relate to this. It really is so hard to say no…and even harder because some people act like we are being selfish if we say no. It’s a struggle! Good for you though, your mental health is so important! I think people do take advantage of those who are habitually kind, caring, and giving.
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YES! I hate feeling selfish because I’d give pretty much anything to anyone if they needed it more than me. People really do take advantage of kind people.
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So very relatable
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Thank you!!
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