Marriage is hard. Ask any couple who have been married for longer than a couple of months and they will tell you that’s it’s not sunshine and rainbows all the time. Your spouse is supposed be there for all of the highs and lows of your life so it’s not always pretty.
I’ve been married for a little over two years now but have been with my husband for eight years. We have had many great moments but have also had many struggles. There have been a few times where I’ve wanted to give up and walk away but at the end of the day Brett is my best friend and my person. He might upset me from time to time but there’s still no one else I’d rather do life with.
We had our first major fight a couple of weeks ago where I didn’t even want him to sleep in our room. One of my friends gave us the advice when we got married to never go to bed angry and I’ve stuck with that until this fight. I was so upset over something that was actually silly. I didn’t sleep that night even though I did end up letting Brett sleep in our bed. I woke up the next day and was really grumpy over my lack of sleep.
After that night I knew that something had to change. Brett and I don’t spend a ton of time together because he’s always busy with work or hanging out with his friends. We don’t have scheduled date nights and mostly communicate through text or when we talk before bed.
Throughout the day Brett tells me all about his day. I know what happened at work, what’s going on with his family, and what’s happening in his friend group. I tend to only share the big or interesting things so he doesn’t get to hear about a lot of my normal day to day activities.
Communication in a marriage is so important but ours was seriously lacking. I thought back to summer camp where we played the “roses and thorns” or “highs and lows” game. All we did at camp was go around the room and say the greatest moment (rose/high) and the worst moment (thorn/low) of our day. I thought this game would be perfect to play everyday with Brett.
For the past couple of weeks I’ve asked Brett every night before bed what his high and low for the day was. He usually answers that his low was going to work and his high was hanging out with friends, watching a weather documentary, etc. At first he never asked me the questions back but I’d answer anyway. Now it’s a habit and I look forward to what he has to say because his answers have evolved and have become more thoughtful. It’s a simple conversation that only lasts a couple of minutes but it really makes a difference in our marriage.
Communication is one of the keys for any successful marriage or relationship. Over the years communicating with Brett has become harder so I’m grateful that we have this new way to share things about our day.
Do you have any tips for communicating with your significant other?
Life of Hayley 
communication really is so important, I personally can’t let things fester for too long so I’m all about opening up. I love this post because I feel like people don’t like to open up about the bad fights and how hard relationships can be, but not everything is rainbows and butterflies. I’m going to try the highs and lows thing 🙂
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Thank you! I have a hard time if I can’t be honest 100% of the time. Sometimes it feels like oversharing to talk about the bad moments but no one’s life if perfect and I’m not going to pretend that mine is! If Brett and I argue over something I can’t sit on it and let it fester either. I want to figure out the problem and create a solution so that we can both move on. I hope you enjoy sharing your highs and lows! I have found it super helpful in opening up our communication!
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I did it last night!! 🙂 Excited to continue
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That’s awesome!! How’d it go??
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Like you said, starting slow and short but I think it will grow a lot 🙂
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Asking about the highs and lows of the day is a really great way to open up discussion! It’s a lot better than when I ask Stephen what he’s thinking about, because it’s usually about some video his watched, haha. Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks! It works for us but I think any question that opens of a conversation is a good way to go!
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Oh girl, life with another human who is so different than yourself can and is hard at times for sure!! I do something similar to your game; we like to play something called “rose,” “bud,” and “thorn.” The rose is the best part of the day, the bud is what you’re looking forward to, and the thorn is the worst part. It’s a good bonding activity especially when life gets busy haha!
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It sure is! I like the idea of sharing the “bud”! It would be great for us to incorporate something we are looking forward to into our daily conversation.
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Yeah for sure! And it could be something y’all want to grow at together. 🙂
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Aw I love this idea, it’s so cute & thoughtful of you to care & ask. ♡ Boyfriend & I spend pretty much 24/7 together so we know how each other’s days go but, I never thought to ask his highs & lows. I’m gonna see what he says tonight. 🙂
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Thanks! It’s awesome that you get to spend so much time with your boyfriend! ❤ I hope you enjoyed finding out his highs and lows!
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Thanks for sharing. Very interesting thought about strengthen your marriage through good communication.
Of course, there will be communication problems sometimes. You are both imperfect, and you have different personalities – Romans 3:23
You may come from different cultures or you may not have been raised in the same way. So you may have different ways of communicating.
There is good communication in a marriage when a husband and a wife speak to each other honestly but kindly about their thoughts and feelings.
Keep up the good work!!!
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That advice comes from Ephesians 4:26. ” Do not let the sun set while you are angry. ” There are many tips from the Bible on how to communicate effectively with your spouse that you may enjoy at https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/communication/ 🙂 hope you enjoy!
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This is a really sweet game! Thank you for sharing your experience! I am a newly wed of only four months, and I’ve been really thinking about what contributes to a long-lasting and happy marriage. Hope you keep sharing experiences like this one!
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Thank you! I love finding new ways to communicate with my husband and I encourage you to do the same! Congratulations on your wedding!! That’s so exciting! 🙂
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