I Can Be Healthy (And You Can Too!)

Health and Wellness

It’s been a few months since I posted about gaining weight. The cold hard truth is that I’ve only lost ten pounds since then and have been struggling to keep the weight off.

I’ve struggled with headaches and migraines for the past 7ish years which means that I’ve been on and off medications more times than I can count trying to find a solution. In 2017 I started to gain weight from the medicine that I was on and couldn’t seem to lose it. I gained about 40 pounds very quickly and there wasn’t much I could do. I know that sounds like an excuse but the medicine I was on really does cause weight gain and at the time it was prescribed I was a healthy 23 year old so my neurologist wasn’t worried about that particular side effect.

In 2018 I stopped taking that medication and stared taking Trokendi XR which I’ve talked about a few times in past posts. I was so sick the whole time that I was able to lose 10 pounds in under a month. One of the side effects of Trokendi is weight loss so I worked with a doctor and knew that it was “healthy”.

Now I have about 40 pounds to go before I’m back to my healthy weight. I only really weigh myself when I’m at the doctor because I have such a negative association with the scale.

I wanted to share this post to let you know that my mindset towards weight loss and being “healthy” is going to change. For the past year I have beat myself up every single day for letting myself go. I’ve refused to look in the mirror or be in pictures. I have told myself over and over again that I’m fat, worthless, and that I’ll only love myself if I lose weight.

But guess what?

All of those statements are wrong. I’m not worthless. I shouldn’t be embarrassed of being in pictures or looking in the mirror. I should love my body for carrying me through every single day of my life thus far.

I can be healthy. We all have choices everyday and these choices lead us down a certain path. In believing that I am worth the struggle, worth the time and energy I will start working towards a healthy lifestyle.

This is my year and I can choose to be anything I want to be.

I choose to be healthy and you can choose to be too. You first need to find the mindset and make the choice.

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Photo by Johnson Wang on Unsplash

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Migraine Update: New Neurologist & New Preventatives

Migraine Update - Chronic Migraines and Headaches - Trokendi XR

Hey friends!

After my last update about feeling discouraged in my migraine journey I have finally found a new source of hope, a new Neurologist! This Neurologist has his own practice separate from the hospitals. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to be seen by a small practice instead of a hospital. I have seen this new Neurologist a couple of times now and he listens to what I have to say and is open to trying different treatment ideas when others fail. 

During my initial consultation I explained to him how frustrated and hopeless I was feeling because of my migraines and headaches. I always cry when I’m explaining how I’m feeling because I just feel so depressed about the situation. I think he could tell how desperate I was for a solution and started coming up with a treatment plan right away.

He prescribed Trokendi XR which is an extended release version of Topamax, an anti-seizure medication. I want to do a full post about my experiences on Trokendi at some point but the short and sweet version is that I spent the next six weeks or so pretty miserable. Trokendi can be a lifesaver for many people with migraines and I was really hoping that it would work for me. Unfortunately, it also has nasty side effects that left me feeling worse than normal. 

I went back yesterday afternoon to see my Neurologist to discuss Trokendi and my next steps. After explaining to him just one of the many side effects he immediately decided it was time to wean me off. I was so anxious to visit him yesterday because I so badly wanted to stop taking Trokendi but my old Neurologist would have wanted me to keep trying. This new Neurologist listened to how miserable I was feeling and decided to try something else. I honestly think my old Neurologist scared me away from doctors and now I have this fear of telling them how I feel. 

The new plan is to try a beta blocker and a round of steroids to break this headache cycle that I’ve had for almost a year. I also have to wean off of Trokendi too. I’m a little nervous to start the steroids but I’ve read that they can be miracle workers for people suffering from rebound headaches. 

I’m feeling hopeful because this new Neurologist is willing to try new things to lead me towards a pain free lifestyle. He listens to what I am saying and how I’m feeling and never rushes through my appointments. If I have questions I can always call his office between appointments and talk to him. It’s been a whirlwind to get here but I think I am at least headed it the right direction now. 

The hilarious part is that the other hospital in my area is finally willing to take me as a patient and has graciously booked me an appointment for January. I’m planning on cancelling. I think I need to be done with hospitals for awhile. 

What I’ve learned through this whole process is that sometimes you just have to learn to be your own advocate. I’ve been fighting for a pain free quality of life for eight years so far and I will continue to do so for as long as it takes. This journey isn’t easy and it will never be easy. It’s going to be painful, annoying, and depressing but the goal is to one day be able to travel and have a family with Brett. To me, that goal is worth it. 

Thanks so much for reading!

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Migraine Update: Feeling Discouraged

Migraine Update: Feeling Discouraged

It’s been over a month since my last migraine update and honestly not much has changed.

I saw my primary care doctor about 3 weeks ago and she referred me to a new neurologist at the other hospital in my town. There are two hospitals where I live and you either go to one or the other for everything health related not both. I have always gone to one but my doctor recommended that I try the other.

So, she sent the referral to my neurologist who had his medical assistant call me. Apparently, he can choose not to discharge me from his care if he feels that he can still help me. The MA asked me for the reason I wanted to change doctors and I was really honest with her. 1. I have been seeing him for over five years and we have only tried two treatment options and neither worked. 2. I want a second opinion.

The MA was supposed to call me back but that was over two weeks ago. I called yesterday for an update and he hasn’t even looked at my file yet. I tried to explain my frustration and pain but I really felt like it fell on deaf ears. To make matters worse, the new neurologist I wanted to see has switched to my current neurologist’s practice which will make the switch even harder. Apparently it’s rare that they will allow you to switch neurologists within the same practice and it sounds like that will be the case for me.

Yesterday I got off the phone and cried. It’s so discouraging to feel like you are headed in the right direction one second and then back at the beginning the next. This journey has not been easy and I’m sick of pretending like it has. I pretend everyday that things are okay and I feel fine. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing all of the things I am doing. I try to put on this brave face but anytime someone asks me how I am feeling I fall apart.

Once again I am faced with a couple of options. The first is that I go back to my neurologist and try to talk him. I don’t think that this will be happening. The second is to find another neurologist at the other practice and see if he/she is accepting new patients. The third option is to finally make an appointment at the University of Michigan Neurosciences which I have been trying to avoid because of the distance and potential cost.

I have not had a headache free day at all in 2018 and that makes me angry. I’m not a neurologist and I have done everything that I can on my own to fix myself. I need a professional’s help and that professional will not be my current neurologist. I also suck at confrontation and am having a hard time advocating for myself. Hopefully if I do have to go back to my neurologist I can find a patient advocate to help me.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at with my journey to a pain-free life. It hasn’t been easy and I doubt it will be easy at any point. I am just hoping that somewhere down the line I can find a solution that will work for me. I’m trying not to give up hope. I am not currently taking any medication at all besides still overusing ibprofen in order to live a “normal” life.

Thanks for reading!

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